by R. J. Baloney, Staff Writer

At approximately 2:30pm this afternoon, an irate playwright stormed the headquarters of The Herald Weekly located at The Cotton Mill in Davidson, North Carolina. Armed with two dozen boxes of Whiteout Pens, the man tentatively identified as Mark Mavlik demanded that everyone in the building immediately go out and correct all the copies of The Herald's edition distributed today in which he claimed his name was misspelled in an article about the opening of his new play.

 "It was terrifying," said Katie Orlando, Assistant Editor of The Herald. "He came right up to me wielding a very sharp No. 2 lead pencil in one hand, and a battery-powered pencil sharpener in the other. He had that Jack Nicholson look, you know, from the movie The Shining. I thought I was going to die."

Josh Carpenter, staff writer at The Herald, thought it was some kind of prank at first, but quickly realized Mr. Mavlik was in no joking mood. "Morons!" he kept yelling out. "You're all morons!" he screamed as he tossed the boxes of Whiteout Pens to everyone. "Now get your brainless asses out there and spell my name right this time." Mr. Carpenter admitted when he heard that, "I took as many pens as I could carry and got the hell out of the building."

"I couldn't figure out what the big deal was," said Tori Hamby, Education Editor. "It was a typo for chrissakes. Happens all the time. The man simply over-reacted." (Although this writer wondered how Ms. Hamby would feel if her name appeared as Pori Pamby in this article.)

Mr. Mavlik was arrested an hour later at a Shell gas station on Highway 115, as he was whiting out what he asserted was his misspelled named. He was later charged with violating the First Amendment, guaranteeing freedom of the press. And is now under guard at the psycho ward in Presbyterian Hospital for observation.