The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Burning Riots were literally sparked by 105-time grammy award winning artist Mariah Carey after her legendary December 4, 2014 performance at Rockefeller Plaza in NYC. Following a performance of holiday classic, “All I Want For Christmas is You,” Carey sauntered over to the 85ft tall Norwood Spruce & sd, “Y’all ready to light this tree?”     Suddenly, Missy Elliott, Lil Kim, Da Brat, & Angie Martinez pulled up to Rockefeller Center on speedboats, not unlike the beginning of the music video for Lil Kim’s 1997 masterpiece “Ladies Night.” Several people were so excited they passed out instantly. Not even the mayor of New York City minded that Missy Elliott’s speedboat alone had caused over sixty five thousand dollars in property damage from her using it on the streets of new york city instead of in the water. He was like no way that was cool.     Missy Elliott, Lil Kim, Da Brat, & Angie Martinez joined Mariah on the stage, each producing a torch from her back pocket. “Wait!” came a cry from the audience. Mariah looked over her shoulder & saw Venezuelan poet Miyo Vestrini and country music icon Shania Twain leading Agathite High Priestesses Lisa Left Eye Lopes and Aaliyah, newly resurrected from the underworld, to the stage. At this point nearly every member of the audience had fainted.     To revive the audience the team performed a song and dance number entitled, "Torch the Tree" written by Cecilia Vicuña, Miyo Vestrini, Lil Kim, Bhanu Kapil, Alice Notley, Trisha Low, Trisha Low’s libertarian mom, & Missy Elliott. The song touched eloquently & forcefully on the topics of police brutality & systemic racism. The remaining conscious members of the audience screeched so loudly w desire to smash the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy that it woke those who had grown unconscious.   The team again went to light the tree but realized their torches had gone out & even the big jug of lighter fluid that Trisha’s mom brought was empty. Even more suddenly than the sudden thing that happened before, a police helicopter appeared in the sky, rushing toward the scene. The crowd, fresh w realization abt the evils of our nations police system began to panic. The helicopter’s movements grew increasingly erratic until a body leapt from the plane, opening a parachute on its way down.   "That unmanned helicopter is headed straight for wall street!" yelled Juliana Spahr, sucking the meat off of a cop bone. & even though this was not actually geographically possible, it was true. The unpiloted copter soon exploded on Wall Street destroying all of the banks in the United States.     "Thought you might need a light," sd Kathy Acker dropping in from the sky via parachute, chuckling. Acker pulled an ember of the flames of hell from her pocket & handed it to Mariah.   WNBA superstars Ticha Penicheiro & Sue Bird hoisted Mariah up to light the tree. A single tear dropped from Mariah Carey’s beautiful perfect sweet angel princess eye as the tree went up in flames. She then gave a terse yet extremely educational talk on the way media frames news stories as a means of creating & maintaining structures of oppression.     The crowd took a moment of silence to reflect on just how amazing Mariah’s 25-year career had been. 18 #1 singles, 79 weeks as #1 on the charts, the longest running #1 single of all time, over 200 million albums sold--Mariah was truly the greatest musician of all time, as if her 5 octave vocal range & beautiful spirit cld ever suggest otherwise. Everything she said had to be true! When the silence broke, the crowd began calling for further action. “If Mariah Carey can overcome Glitter,” yelled Stephanie Young, “we can overthrow the government.”   Giving the people what they want, Sappho walked onstage wearing a Playboy snapback hat & holding a flamethrower ready to join Kathy Acker in a vital reconnaissance mission that they had just texted each other abt during the moment of silence. “We are going to take over NBC,” sd Sappho into Mariah’s mic. Shania & T-Boz rode up on white horses & Sappho & Acker hopped on. Then the horses boarded Missy Elliott’s speedboat. Missy’s speedboat traveled at a slow, sultry 5mph blasting TLC’s “What About Your Friends” & leading a group of protestors to NBC headquarters. Once there, the team rushed the front doors with an army of about 1000, launching a full-scale occupation of the network. After riding a horse up 200 flights of stairs, Kathy Acker dismounted & walked over to the control room where she inserted a pristine VHS tape entitled “A Kathy Acker Christmas” into the broadcast player.     Meanwhile, millions flooded the streets of New York City, educating people on the ills of the police state & the promises of St. Agatha. Shockingly, all it took for people to realize that their ignorance was being manufactured by the media, was an equal force of influence--Mariah Carey--revealing just how this was happening.   Though the original tape was lost in the ensuing destruction of NBC headquarters by Lisa Left Eye Lopes, “A Kathy Acker Christmas” is widely regarded as the greatest film of all time, even by those who have not seen it. Clocking in at just under fifteen hours, the special was watched by 4 billion people worldwide, many of whom immediately became Agathites.     The Mariah Carey Institute for the Coming Insurrection has remained a powerful force in The New Order of St. Agatha, producing cultural propaganda that slowly but surely dismantles the hundreds of years of rlly bad media society has endured.  May the messages of St. Agatha fill the billboards & Billboard Top 100s of this shit earth until La Ocupación del Purgatorio brings us to a better place.   -CASSANDRA GILLIG Cassandra Gillig is a poet archivist who is traveling around the country helping out with big lucks books, boosthouse, tender buttons press, jacket2’s reissues, & an oral history of chicago’s experimental poetry scene. she established the new order of st agatha, a feminist religion, with anne boyer in the earliest part of october 2014 & loves hannah weiner, the poetry project, side-stapled magazines, alice notley, & PDFs.