Mother doesn’t know where to piss or shit
i her only son tie her hands to the papaya tree in the backyard
when she falls into her sputtering fits
afterwards when the Việt Cộng come we hear that she’s delirious
shouting mouth uncontrollable like the cicadas’ drone
escape would’ve been impossible
the police the Việt Cộng after us like
fire ants
she would’ve told the neighbors everybody
had my mother known of our plans
2
the radio blares Hồ Chí Minh will take the North
i tell myself to let go let go of everything let go so we can go forward
the house my parents our lands
death’s drone wakes me up
thunder on trembling tin roof
the hum of never ending bullets through the eyes
searches at point blank
continuous shooting pulses
corpuscles of ammunition in their trained-to-kill blood
bubbles of gunshot in the mouth
sulfur swirling
a black hole of memory where everything
is re-membered
1
a boat vessel to another life
:
first to a dark island then to a larger boat
about 25 five of us board a dark vessel
with provisions for several days
angel dust & gold
line our clothes
2
after 3 days on the high seas
we see a ship from afar suddenly Thai pirates descend
like hungry bats rodents vultures with endless claws & beaks
a pirate wields a knife jumps on my brother
a pirate jumps my legs pry them open a knife inserted into
the impact of the world
how many pirates violate me
i stop counting i do not understand their fierceness
such hatred might of skin
blood & brutal desire
3
the high seas brew black
unpredictable yet compulsory death
a rocking boat which does not give
blue of a sea defiled
purity shaken
in mid-air a pirate struggles forces my brother overboard
suddenly no time’s left
pirates seize everything: our oars motor our sails our jewelry & gold
what’s left of our food
my brother myself
our lives to come
instead of fruit
Khmers Vietnamese & Americans planted landmines there
limbless deaths Pol Pot reaped
and so many walk without legs
prostheses plastic stumps living around lakes
in Phnom Penh
dust rises in
havoc
children like the ancient beg
names written on skin the elderly
forget they are there
2
robed with sickness jobless
they sleep around the lake with babies
in their arms
the dust heat & sweat their blanket
plastic sandals littered around the lake for their one remaining foot
3
many years after the war
shrapnel still lurk in his flesh: five pieces in arm
two in his head two in lungs
one in the heart
wall still continues in us brought on by the war walls us in
slithers created many decades ago by everyone
long high vertiginous blocking everything in its path
not forgiving demands all eyes on it demands blood
a mental wall of steel dirt brick
bleeds of panoramic paranoia that does not let the other in
a wall of eyes red & blue
still continues walls us in
all the abortions
Speak of the coincidences
by which we navigate
where the incisions
by which were wounds?
the symptoms may be alleviated but the source still ails
body is mind’s servant