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anorexia

my appetite for bullshit has diminished…
my belly has shrank
to about the size of a half-dollar
my throat is sore and i can’t hardly holla
cuz they keep shoving heaping spoonfuls
of this sour life
into my fragile mouth
my emaciated frame is the same weight
of when I was a newborn
torn from my mama’s tit and spoon fed
ground/mashed/sliced/strained BULLSHIT
force-fed shredded bits of reality
and even though you cut the truth
into little tiny pieces
it’s still so hard to swallow

i am hollow and withering
recovering from chronic obesity
beast in my belly
feasting on my insides like leeches
and preachers say: "Jesus is coming…
JESUS izzz commminnng!"
i know
because i am throwing up
his blood, their sins, their lies, my truth
splattered crimson and fuchsia
in chunks across the kitchen floor
and i cannot eat any more bullshit

i am fasting for everlasting life
eternal
the inferno once my gut
is now but a spark
i am dark and cold
unable to hold anything down
my frowning lips welcome
my fingers in sips
taking trips along my brittle esophagus
tickling the switch that will unhitch
my insides wiiiiiiide open
unsettled and empty
mirrors tempt me to look
beyond the glass that used to stretch
my image warped and sinister

my mind is a tickster
telling me i am a fat gluttonous pig
even though i look like a twig
with these threads hanging from my limbs
my menu: church hymns and holy water
the easiest for me to digest
cuz bible pages give me heartburn
and i’m starting to turn invisible

cough/purge/regurgitate/bullshit
spit/piss/sweat/bleed/bullshit
regurgitate lies, sins, evil spirits, bullshit
I CANNOT EAT!
you cannot make me
sharpen your knife, take me home
carve into my flesh
and polish my bones
my stomach groans
but my appetite for bullshit has diminished

finished with secret binges of t.v dinners
and i.v syringes and appetite suppressants
and anything, ANYthing not to eat
that poisonedcow-chickenshit-hotdogmeat
you try to feed me and all my needy
ghetto welfare families
that ain’t got no choice
but to eat bullshit

i’d rather starve
live backwards
let doctors grope and probe
and diagnose my case
as a perplexed anorexic
ready to exit
die quietly
push my plate away
and say i’m finished

my appetite for bullshit has diminished