Face: God’s true form, one not covered by the veils of the world

I leased my face to a woman called Sue. Not because I needed the money. Or maybe just a little. I gave it to her because I wanted to watch her wearing it. I also felt content. Content because her name and my face kind of hit it off—instant chemistry is what they call it in the movies. How can I best describe it to you? Let’s just say that with a name like that and a face like mine summer felt imminent

I leased it to her on June 16^th, the day before I did not leave for India as I had planned. That was yesterday. I am in Paris and without my face. I feel happy. What I mean by that is that I feel safe. From now on, I won’t have to face my face. For a while, at least. It’s not a stunning face. It’s also not a normal face. I totally understand that there is so much more to us all than our faces. I do. I practiced meditation for two years. Not just anywhere. In an ashram in India

Faces come and go, that’s what they say. It’s mostly said in the context of top models, and I never was a top model. This has nothing to do with my face; It’s my legs that are the problem. Always have been. That’s another reason why I am leasing my face. Its one of my best features, I think and there has been a market for it. Also, I like to watch. I may have said this before. Did I make it clear that I am particularly fond of watching myself? It was called witnessing in India, becoming a witness and had nothing to do with faces but with awareness. But I am losing awareness here. Sorry

I wanted to detail some of the terms of the lease agreement; It’s for one season only. The Summer of 2005. Summer has always been a season I could have done without. I hate summer. I did not want to waste one more summer. I did not want to waste my face again. Not this year. Not after last year’s summer facial

On a more general note: Summer by definition does not require faces. There is sun, there is light. There are strawberries to eat and blockbuster movies being released. Everyone is outside, swimming is vividly encouraged, sand castles are accepted and happiness mandatory. Summer is not about facing, but summer makes it harder. Facing my face has never been easy. Well, it has been, but that was before I went to India and before I meditated on the differences between watching and facing. I may have said this before, I like to watch. I do not like to face

The face hand-over took place in the bathroom of the flat I rent. It’s a small flat with a very small bathroom. But I was comfortable and Sue seemed comfortable too. She came prepared. Without her face, which she had left with friends. There was an awkward moment. We looked at each other in the bathroom mirror. I was reminded of how I had spent Christmas 2003: In India, sitting in front of a huge mirror or in front of a person asking the question Who is in? Or being asked the question Who is in? Then answering the question or listening to the person answering the question

Facing the mirror had been very very hard for me, one of the hardest things ever [much harder than facing summer]. Facing a person answering the question had been boring. With one exception. A woman from Germany. Facing her was like having to eat when you really don’t want to. She was very different from Sue. Or maybe not?

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror with Sue, I felt strong. I wasn’t interested in beauty or truth. The roles were clear. With or without my face. There were only a few terms I wanted her to agree on and I started to write them on the bathroom mirror using the kohl eyeliner I never use on my eyes but own to write on mirrors and tiles. Its color is charcoal and it’s one of my favorite colors, I wrote:

Water

Confidentiality

No surgery

Exclusivity

No make up

Only NARS lipstick [The Multiple: St Barts]

No alcohol

She agreed and we both signed. We then talked about maintenance, and she left. I felt very happy, I had selected Sue well. I had not wanted to lose my face nor cause harm to Sue. I did not warn her either. Sue doesn’t earn money but has friends and family who love her very very much. Sue never pays rent and is invited wherever she goes. And she only goes where she has been invited to. There is something so summery about Sue that I knew I need not worry. She would never go to India on her own, nor feel the liability my face had become. Sue was not a facer. Sue was a fantastic swimmer and always wore these skinny cardigans in either yellow or pink, showing off skin. My face would be safe in her mouth